Friday, May 31

Conversations with Kadyn....

Today is a different kind of instalment of Conversations with Kadyn...

Kadyn hasn't really been saying much worth sharing.

In fact, Kadyn hasn't been saying much at all lately. He's spent most of his time in his room.

The level of disrespect and rudeness he's been showing towards Graysen and I is so unacceptable that, to put it bluntly, he's not been allowed to be around us.

And the Choices Chart stopped working two weeks ago.

Well, it didn't stop working.

Kadyn had a particularly bad day that ended in EVERYTHING except his bed and his dresser being removed from his room. Ryan and I decided that his behaviour was so bad that he didn't even deserve to try to earn any Lego or DS time.

Not that he was even trying to begin with.

I don't know what's going on with him.

And I don't know what to do about it.

This morning, 25 minutes before we had to be out the door for school, Kadyn decided he wanted to cancel school today.

Let me back up for a second.

I had just sent Kadyn upstairs to make his bed and get dressed - the same thing I do every weekday.

He and Graysen ran upstairs, climbed into my bed and pulled the covers over their head.

I found them and climbed in to play for a minute.

They started getting rowdy - and we had to get dressed - so I told them it was time to get ready.

This is when Kadyn decided to cancel school.

Obviously that wasn't happening.

Kadyn sulked into his room.

Making his bed is one of Kadyn's daily responsibilities. It has been for almost 2 years.

All I expect is for his blanket to be reasonably neat, as well as his pillows and stuffies, and his pyjamas folded.

Almost every morning, Kadyn makes a HUGE deal about this.

He messes around, makes it difficult, then whines and complains that he can't do and he needs help.

I have helped him numerous times. And I have shown him how to make his bed numerous times.

I will not help him if he has a poor attitude or if he's purposely messed up his bed.

He knows this. We have had numerous talks about this.

This morning, Kadyn pulled EVERYTHING off his bed. His blanket, pillows, stuffies, sheet and mattress cover.

Completely off his bed.

I do not know why.

But this led to him whining and complaining that he needed help to make his bed.

Nope.

I explained to him that I was not going to help him.

He pulled everything off his bed for no reason and I was not going to help him fix it.

He stormed back into his room and made a HUGE show about how impossibly difficult it was and how he couldn't do it.

And then he had the mother of all meltdowns.

Screaming, slamming doors, teenage-girl-style comments, the whole nine.

He worked himself up so bad, he almost threw up.

I ignored him.

I don't know if that was right or wrong but after the week we've had - after the 3 fucking months we've had - I just don't know what else to do.

Anything - ANYTHING - other than giving in and doing whatever he wants just escalates it.

And I am NOT giving in to his every whim.

What the hell kind of parenting would that be?

It's now 8:30 and we need to leave.

Kadyn is still freaking out and is not dressed.

I don't care. He's going to school. In his pyjamas for all I care.

Kadyn decides to get dressed, but not in the clothes set out for him.

I don't care but he put on a zip up hoodie with no shirt underneath.

And without brushing his hair or his teeth or washing up.

Worse things could happen.

He was clam happy the second we got to school.

Even skipped over to me to hug and kiss me good bye.

I emailed his teacher as soon as we got home to apologize for the way Kadyn showed up to school - not how he was dressed, but for how he might act.

It was probably pointless.

He's almost always angelic at school. Aside from recess, of course.

But now I sit here, writing this and dreading picking Kadyn up from school.

I know this afternoon, and the weekend, will be hell.

It will be 2.5 days of solid fighting and arguing with him.

Just as the last however many days, weekends, weeks have been.

I don't know what to do and I am at my breaking point.

I have tried everything.

But he doesn't listen to a word I say.

Not a word.

I have tried talking to him.

Like, sitting down alone in his room and chatting about what's going on, how he is feeling, why he's doing what he's doing and how he could handle things better.

A million times.

I've chatted with him about choices and consequences.

Two million times.

I've given him options, solutions, help, redirection, everything.

None of it works.

He will literally stare me in the face and do the opposite of what I've told him to do.

And then lose his fucking mind when faced with the consequences he was just told he would face if he made that choice.

He knows what he should do, he knows what is expected of him, he knows how to make good choices and he knows what will happen should be make poor choices.

He fully understands all of it.

But that doesn't stop the cacophony of daily atomic bombs.

Sometimes I think maybe there is something wrong with him.

But he doesn't behave this way in school. Ever.

And he most definitely can behave, be respectful and make good choices.

I don't believe these behaviours are the product of any acronym'd disorder.

But that doesn't help me deal with it any better.

I'm not dealing with it at all.

I don't know how to deal with it.

I feel like I've tried everything.

But no punishments phase him at all. AT ALL.

Kadyn's 6 year check up is this afternoon and I plan to talk to his doctor about this.

Though I don't know what good that will do.

I don't think 'how to deal with your unruly kid' falls into the realm of medical help.

But I don't know what else to do.

I just want my boy back.

I want to stop the constant fighting.

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