Conversations with Kadyn...

Kadyn: Mama, I was holding a blanket over my head and jumping off my bed.

Mama: Were you?

Kadyn: Yeah. I was trying to sky dive.

Mama: Oh, really.

Kadyn: Yeah....*sigh* But it didn't work. *another sigh* I didn't fly.

Mama: I'd think not.

Kadyn: It's so frustrating! *kicks toy bin* I really wanted to fly like a bird!!

Wordless Wednesday

When Family Photos Cost More than Your Mortgage

I recently came across this on Facebook.

I have to say it ticked me off a little a bit.

And then I realized the writer isn't speaking about me.

Because I do not routinely drop $500+ on myself on impromptu shopping sprees.

I don't un-routinely do that either.

I don't own anything Coach. Or $300 sunglasses.

I also don't offer to take my friends out and pay for everything.

(Do people actually do that? I'll spot my friends, no problem. But taking them out to dinner, a movie and drinks ALL on my dime? Who does that?)

And I don't think the shopaholic in question is a parent either.

I don't relate to this fictional character at all.

I don't relate to the photographer either.

I'm still quite annoyed with her though. Along with the whole photographers complaining about customers complaining that they cost too much.

Dear Most Photogs: You cost too much!

How on earth do you justify upwards of $1000 for a family photo session where the customer - maybe - ends up with one or two prints?

Or a $3795 Boudoir shoot?

FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS!

FOUR THOUSAND!?!?!

I just don't get it.

I watched one photographer GO OFF on Facebook about how people just do not appreciate her art or what goes into a photo session.

(Maybe it's your crappy attitude, lady.)

I get her rant. To a point.

Not only does the photographer spend time actually taking the photos, he or she also spends time sorting, proofing and editing the images.

Depending on the edits, this can take hours. And depending on the shoot, there can be other design work involved, too.

There's more to a shoot than the 30-90 minutes you spend with your photog.

I get it. I really do.

But, in the case of this particular photographer - using her prices and time estimations - she's pulling in $80+ an hour!!

Call me cheap but I just don't think $80 an hour is reasonable.

Let's pretend for a minute that $80+ per hour IS reasonable...

Complaining about people who do not want to pay you $80 an hour to take their picture is greedy and rude. And you should probably stop that.

That's another thing that bothers me - the attitude of these photographers.

We went to a local photographer when Kadyn was born for a Baby's First Year album. Being brand new parents (and idiots), we paid her well over $3000 for the album and she was the rudest, most difficult person I've ever worked with.

Her availability was crap, she expected Ryan to take time off work for our sessions (Uh, how do you think we're paying you??), she repeatedly lied to us about various things and got snippy when we wouldn't bend to her schedule. And she was ALWAYS pushing her friend's businesses on us.

If you're going to take all our money, you could at least be nice about it.

And not peddle all your friends' businesses.

YOU already took all our money.

And then there are all the accoutrements.

Hair & Makeup for $125

Gallery prints for $200

Keepsake albums for $400

Cards to send to ALL your friends for $100

Leather albums for $1500

(You could buy a whole cow for that price. At least then you could have a nice steak diner while you look through your leather album.)

Most sessions do not include ANY prints. You can expect to pay around $10 for a 4x6, $30+ for an 8x10 and your left arm for framed or gallery style prints.

Then there are keychains, mugs, shirts, blankets and all manner of crap that a picture can be slapped onto for a ridiculous price.

And if you don't want to spend all that money, you can pay $400+ for the rights to the digital files.

You know, so you can take the files to someone else and pay them to make stuff with them.

And my personal favourite so far - Sensual Movement Classes for your boudoir session.

I literally laughed out loud at that one.

I'm not trying to rag on all photographers.

There are some very talented people out there who take stunning photos.  Family photos ARE priceless. Boudoir photos can be an amazing experience in so many more ways than having pretty pictures to look at....

But seriously! I'm going to have to start making and selling babies to pay for pictures of my babies!

And selling my ass to pay for pictures of my ass.

I'd be hard pressed to find anyone willing to pay for my ass as it is. Never mind if I start popping out babies for sale.


What do you pay for photos? What do you think is reasonable?

She's a Magic Mama

A couple weeks ago, I tweeted this:

I do NOT love my 5 year old's attitude. But I DO love my two sparkling clean bathrooms. #childlabor
— Rebecca(@ManicMamaG) June 4, 2012

Apparently this made me "Magical."

It's funny how 'Fed right the eff up with my kid's disgusting attitude and behaviour' can translate into 'Magical' for someone else.

Not that I'm complaining. I will take magical any day of the week.

So as I said, I was fed right the eff up.

After sending him to his room, I went to the loo.

And I literally thought, "This boy's attitude belongs in this nasty toilet."

Via

After dinner, the boy with the crap attitude cleaned both my bathrooms, top to bottom. He even scrubbed the toilet with a toothbrush.

Yes! He did!

At first he thought it was "Just like Phineas and Ferb when they go to reform school!"

"This is SO COOL, Mama!" he said.

Oh, just you wait, child.

You have only met petite Miss Half-Bath.

Wait until you meet disgusting Mr. Full-Bath. Complete with soap-scummed bathtub.

Kadyn started to lose his groove by the second toilet.

By the time he hit the bathtub, he was done.

"This isn't fun anymore, Mama. I'm getting tired."

"It's not supposed to be fun, Kadyn. It's punishment."

"But I'm getting tired!!"

"Too bad, dude. You're finishing the job."

And he did.

And my bathrooms were SPARKLING.

Ok. Maybe not SPARKLING but he did do a pretty good job!

And he didn't like it.

I sure did.

And it looks like I've found myself a new Loo Cleaner.

I had Kadyn clean the half bath again last week.

Because I didn't want to.

And because it's not my pee all over the toilet and floor.

Still not sure I'm magical.

Brilliant?

Quite possibly.

PS I'm looking for a few guest posters for the second and third week of July. Shoot me a note (rebecca @ manicmama dot com) if you're interested!

Conversations with Kadyn...

We had a little carpet picnic for Father's Day dinner - one of Kadyn's favourite things to do.

What kid doesn't like eating dinner while watching TV?

We watched an episode of Curious George and followed it up with Rescue Heroes.

Kadyn is CRAZY about Rescue Heroes.

Just nuts.

He likes to act out the opening of each episode and it is hilariously adorable to watch.

But not when we're in the middle of dinner.

Ryan and I were both telling Kadyn to stop, sit down and eat his dinner (cause that's super effective) but he was way too far gone in Rescue Hero land to pay us any notice.

And then Ryan did the unthinkable....

....he paused the show.

Kadyn does one of those arms-straight-down-his-sides-hands-in-fists-head-pointed-towards-the-sky-screaming-mouth-wide-open dealies.

Ryan and I just looked at each other.

One of us told him to stop being ridiculous, sit down and eat.

Kadyn tightened his entire body, took a deep breath, scrunched up his face and scream, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!! I JUST WANT TO DANCE!!!!"

Ryan and I BURST into laughter.

We played the show and let him finish.

How could we not after that?

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen and Good Night

I walked out of Kadyn's room Sunday evening to find Ryan changing Graysen's crib into a toddler bed.

He didn't even ask me!!

It's hard to be weepy and upset when the Monkey Man is so happy about it.

I really can't complain.

Kadyn had been in a toddler bed for over 4 months at this age.

They're both still growing up way too fast for me.

Way too fast.

It's simply not fair.

**Cue incoherent sobbing**

Wordless Wednesday

I Love....

....the way Graysen wraps his arms around my neck when he hugs me.

....Kadyn's imagination. It is everything I could hope for and more. And it amazes me every day.

...the way Ryan makes my coffee. And that he makes me a cup almost every morning before he leaves for work.

...fresh flowers.

...Graysen's giggles. Sweet and innocent and so freaking adorable.

...reading. And that I'm on my 6th book of the year.

...the Monster Math Squad song. Like seriously love.

...my framily. They are some of the best people in the world.

...Kadyn's dance moves. And Graysen's, too. These boys ROCK OUT!

...watching Ryan play with the boys.

...sangria.

...trashy television.

...ladies weekends at the cabin.

...These.

...sleep.

...avocados.

...Graysen's quirky toddlerisms.

...hanging out in the garden, listening to the boys play behind me.

...the way Graysen holds pencils. And that he is left handed.

...sunshine.

...Chai lattes

...chatting with Kadyn. He is a great conversationalist!

...laughing. The kind that hurts when you finally stop.

...watching the boys play together.

...thunderstorms.

...Graysen's face. And Kadyn's face.

...family hugs.

...that each day ends with hugs, kisses, high 5s, fist bumps, exploding/imploding fist bumps and potato french fries (sometimes with a shot of gravy.)

...Ryan, Kadyn and Graysen. These 3 boys are my whole life and I am so incredibly blessed to have them.

(After all the negativity of last week, I felt the need to BRING THE POSITIVE!!)

We Heart Dad

I hope all the Dads out there had a great Father's Day!

Ours was pretty low-key and really great.

I let Ryan sleep in.

Seems pretty lame but he gets up with the boys EVERY DAY.

No joke.

The guy ALWAYS lets me sleep in.

ALWAYS.

Seemed more than fair that I get my ass out of bed on Father's Day and let Ryan sleep.

So up before 6 am on a Sunday, I was.

So gross.

And the boys were SO LOUD.

They are loud every day but it seemed SO much louder yesterday morning.

(And Kadyn's attitude majorly sucked. Par for the course lately. Yay.)

After several pots of coffee, I got to work on breakfast.

There was bacon.

And that's really all that matters.

(The Chai blueberry pancakes weren't too shabby either.)

The three of us took breakfast upstairs and woke up Lazy Bones Jones.

It was 9 am!!

After breakfast we did our regular Sunday routine.

And then we flew kites.

Yes, we did!

We loaded up the wagon, grabbed a couple slurpees and headed out.

It was a lot of fun. And something we don't get to do nearly often enough.

I think this is the best way to spend Mother's/Father's Day - Low-key, way fun family time.


{PS I'm looking for a few guest posters for the second and third week of July. Shoot me a note (rebecca @ manicmama dot com) if you're interested!}

Conversations with Kadyn...

Kadyn is dancing around our bedroom mumbling something about weddings.

Kadyn: Mama, I wish I was at your wedding.

Mama: Aw, I'm sorry, babe. Dad and I got married before you were born.

Kadyn: But I like weddings!

Mama: Well maybe you'll have one someday.

Kadyn: YEAH! That'll be SO COOL!!!

Mama: Do you know what happens at weddings?

Kadyn: Yeah.....You give each other rings and say 'I love you' and then your married.

Mama: Is that all?

Kadyn: Yup!

Mama: And then what happens?

Kadyn: Then you have a baby!

Mama: You have a baby!?!?

Kadyn: Yeah! You grow them in your tummy! Just like you did with Graysen!

**Ryan walks into the room**

Mama: What about you?

Kadyn: You grew me in your tummy, too!

Mama: Before Graysen?

Kadyn: Yeah!

Ryan: And how did you get in Mama's tummy?

Kadyn: I don't know! I wasn't there for that part!!

Laying It All Out II

In keeping with the shit-tastic posts this week, I have one more rant I need to expunge.

Like most of my frustrations in life, it is family related.

Here's the score:

My family consists of me and (I'm still holding out hope) my grandmother.

I have not spoken to my father since I was 16. He was verbally abusive from about age 11 or so. I left at age 16 when it turned physical and I pressed charges. I truly believe nothing good could ever come from having him in my life. He will never meet my children.

My father took his entire side of the family with him. Goodness knows what he told them but I'd bet it's nothing pleasant. In the last 13 years I have only very briefly spoken to my father's half-sister a small handful of times. That side of the family is incredibly dysfunctional in a way I don't think I can articulate. They are manipulative, spiteful game players. EVERYTHING they say or do is very carefully calculated and NEVER what it seems.

As you read earlier in the week, things are not so great with my mother. (Hello, understatement of the the year.) I'm not sure where things sit with my grandmother. That's kind of day by day due mostly to her old age and the health problems that come with it. My grandfather died when I was 8. I did not get to spend a lot of time with him but he was a great man. My uncles are both deceased, one before I was born and the other when I was very young. The rest of the family lives on the other side of the country and save for holiday cards I send to my great aunts, there is no contact.

And then there is Ryan.

He doesn't know his dad. So that story pretty much ends there.

I haven't seen his mother since Kadyn was 18 months old, which was also the last time she saw Kadyn. She had never met Graysen. Ryan has seen her a very small handful of times since then. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail because it's one thing to bad mouth your own mother, it's entirely different to bad mouth someone else's. (Even if she's a horribly mean and spiteful bitch who has said things about me people refuse to repeat.) Really all that needs to be said is that she is not at all in our lives.

Ryan also has a younger brother but because of the problems with their mother, they have grown significantly apart. And that really sucks.

We are not close with the rest of Ryan's family. Part of it seems to be because of the issues caused by Ryan's mother however we thought we worked through that years ago but we've grown no closer. I hate that after 10 1/2 years together, I am not close enough to ANY of Ryan's family to call them up to chat. Or to call them up for any reason at all. And a small few of them have made it clear that they don't really wish to have much of a relationship with us. Aside from sending us Facebook messages asking us to wish one of the boys a happy birthday when we haven't spoken in over a year and they completely did not acknowledge our other boy's birthday.

Seriously. What is it with people using Facebook for family drama?

So, from where I sit, it's Ryan, the boys and me.

I love us and we are a pretty awesome foursome but it breaks my heart that the boys don't have grandparents at all. No aunts, uncles or cousins....

For a while I was trying to force relationships between all of us.

But why?

Mostly for the boys but why do I want to FORCE people to be in their lives? That's just absurd. Especially considering their actions have more than shown they do not deserve to be in the boys' lives. And *I* am left trying to explain to Kadyn why he can't go to grandma's house. Or why he never sees auntie anymore.

That's fun, let me tell you.

I so badly want to have a big extended family. But you can't force that.

And I am so very tired of wasting my energy on people who do not deserve it. Not only do they not deserve it, they SUCK THE LIFE out of me.

I'm just not doing it anymore.

There are people in our lives who greatly deserve our energy. People we actually like to spend time with, people who are so good to our boys, people who CONTRIBUTE to our lives, not take from it.

We could maybe even find MORE of these people if we weren't so busy wasting our energy on sucky people.

And I just want all this negativity OUT of our lives.

Via Google

I've been watering the weeds for far too long.

Wordless Wednesday

Mickey Blue Eyes

We said good bye to Mickey last week.

It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done.

His bum issues were not getting better and we (Mickey included) just couldn't live the way we were any longer.

We made an appointment with a different vet for Thursday of last week.

Ryan and I had talked (and talked and talked and talked) and even though we both said that all paths led to putting him down, we still couldn't commit to it.

What would happen at the vet was still up in the air.

And then I found a tooth on my couch on Thursday. I looked in Mickey's mouth and sure enough, it was one of his teeth.

So on top of the $150 blood tests to hopefully find out what was going on with his bum, he would need dental work as well.

We're looking into the thousands of dollars here.

And Mickey was 14 years old.

I wish we had the money to get whatever treatments Mickey would have needed but even if we did, we probably wouldn't have done it. He was 14. I wouldn't want to put him through all that at his age. There weren't any guarantees he would even come out of surgery should he need it for his bum troubles - and he would definitely need it for his dental issues.

So an hour before our appointment, Ryan called to ask about putting him down.

The tooth was a sign. And I had been begging the universe for a sign for weeks.

I knew it was the right choice but finally making the decision made it so much harder. So much harder.

I adopted Mickey when he was 6 weeks old.

Someone left him and his brothers and sisters in a box on the side of the highway - way before they should have been taken away from their mother. Somehow, and very luckily, they ended up at the animal shelter but, for reasons unknown to me, the shelter was going to euthanize them if they couldn't find homes for them.

My boyfriend at the time talked me into adopting him. Which wasn't very hard. I am an animal lover from way back.

I came home from work the day we got him to find him cowering under our couch while my idiot boyfriend and his friends were yelling and freaking out over their stupid video games.

I scooped Mickey up with one hand and took him into the bedroom to cuddle and get to know him.

From that moment on, he was my boy.

This displeased my ex greatly as I already had Belle and Mickey was supposed to be his cat.

For as long as my boyfriend and I were together and for some time after we broke up, Mickey was a terror. I would come home from work to find him literally climbing the walls. He clawed away an area of drywall under one of the windows the size of dinner plate. I even came home one day to 24 rolls of toilet paper shredded from one corner of my house to the other. And he was often very mean to Belle.

I called my ex and told him he had to take Mickey. I couldn't handle this.

He had moved back home and his mommy said no. He also said that if I wasn't going to keep Mickey, he would have him put down.

Um, no.

The longer my ex was gone, the better Mickey's behaviour got until all the bad behaviours stopped completely. Mickey became the suckiest little kitty boy in history. He could soak up love and cuddles for days. He would chase laser pointers and toy mice until he was so tired he could barely move. He even chased his tail. Funniest thing ever, the way he would tease himself with his own tail. And, man! Did that cat catch some air!

No matter how old he got, he was always this funny, silly little kitty boy. He was never a cat, always a kitten.

Mickey has always been very timid and scared of loud noises. He stayed hidden almost always when Kadyn gained mobility - and a not so gentle fascination with cats. And then again with Graysen. Mickey didn't always get the attention he deserved.

And then the bum issues started.

And now here we are.

I miss him so much.

I keep telling myself that without me, he probably wouldn't have had a life at all. And the life he had was long and full of love.

But that does not change the fact that he is gone.

It is so hard to say good bye to someone who has been in your life for half of your life. Someone you loved so very much.

I know we did the right thing.

But that's simply not enough for my broken heart.

I love you, Mickey and I will carry you in my heart forever.

RIP, my friend.

Laying It All Out

So I went on a bit of a hiatus. Obviously.

I had planned to shut this blog down permanently and start a new one but.... I didn't.

I thought a fresh start would be good. But I dunno.

I've just got too much shit going on. The idea of adding even more shit makes me want to get a full body massage from a fork.

I shut my blog down because of my mother.

You have no idea how much it kills me to say that. It gives her much more power than she deserves.

But I didn't and do not want her knowing any part of our lives at all.

The things she has done and the problems she had created have FAR exceeded anything I am willing to deal with.

I haven't talked much about this because, well, I just don't want to. But also because it kind of feels wrong to dish family business on the internet.

But I need to purge this shit out of my body.

The details - in point form because, seriously, this could be a trilogy of shit.

• Tension started in January/February of 2010. She had some sort of breakdown, quit her job and that's about all I know about that.
• We didn't talk for about 4 months before Graysen was born - she showed up unannounced in the delivery room the day Graysen was born. We did not want her there. She did not care.
• Tension continued and we rarely talked.
• She asked to meet with me to explain what has been going on with her and try to fix what is going on between us. Her explanation wasn't really an explanation but I accepted it for what it was and resolved to move on.
• She pretends to be a model Grandma to friends and family and on FB but she has no interest in doing anything more than just watching them in real life. And by watching them, I do not mean babysitting. I mean sitting on my couch and watching them. To be clearer she TOLD me she does not want to help with the boys. She does not want to help bathe, clothe, change, feed, put to bed, play with, etc, etc, etc. That is not the kind of grandma she wants to be. Her words. Not mine.
• She makes promises she has NO intention of keeping and I catch her in lie after lie after lie - all of which she vehemently denies. In fact, she is offended that I would even insinuate the notion.
• In August of last year she tells me she found a train set she wanted to get the boys for Christmas. She asks if we will go to the store to look at it and let her know if it's something we'd like the boys to have. I tell her that the store is completely out of our way and I do not know when we will be able to get there but we will try. I also tell her that I could look it up online if I knew the brand name, she does not know it.
• I do not get back to her about the train set in the time frame she set - but neglected to inform me of -  and, in mid-September, all hell breaks lose. She goes back and forth between telling me she can no longer afford the train set and telling me I took too long to get back to her so she's simply not going to buy it. She tells me she will not be buying ANYTHING for the boys for Christmas.
• Emails go back and forth where she tells me she feels she should be able to buy the boys WHATEVER she wants and we should just let them have it. In her opinion what Kadyn and Graysen's parents want for them is trumped by what their mostly absent grandmother wants for them.
• Then it turns into us only buying and wanting the most expensive designer clothes and toys and accepting nothing less. And she can't afford it. (Probably because she hasn't worked in a year and a half. And also because she is making shit up. Unless Old Navy turned designer when I wasn't looking.)
• She also feels that I should be making more of an effort. That even though I have two small children and a husband that was often out of town, I should be calling her to chat in the evenings after the boys are in bed, I should be making plans with her, etc, etc, etc. Because it is clearly much too hard for her unemployed self to do most of the 'work' right now.
• She started making passive aggressive FB status' about me. When I called her on it, several of her friends attacked me (one even called me a "B." Not a bitch. A "B." My mother felt that this was perfectly acceptable.) I removed her from Facebook.
• Then she started with the texts. Childish, rude, inflammatory. Unreal. I stopped responding.
• She tells me she can no longer afford the college funds she started for the boys and she will be cancelling them. I offer to take them over so the boys still have them and so she doesn't lose the money she's already paid. This causes me nothing but grief. How dare I do her a favour.
• She does everything she can to continue fighting with me. Like dropping off books she had at her house for the Kadyn with a completely unintelligible note. At 10 o'clock at night. With a text telling me there is a package at the door we might want to go get. We also suspect she randomly drives by our house.
• I ask her for a picture of my late grandfather. I am making a shadowbox with his war medals. She turns it into "I did you a favour so now you owe me." What I owe her is telling her what to buy Kadyn for his birthday. I tell her not to worry about a gift - that's kind of how most of this bullshit started - she loses her mind, tells me I am only interested in a one way relationship where she gives and I take. I tell her she is playing childish games and I am not interested in playing. She tells me "This is not a game. This is reality." I don't touch that one with a ten foot pole. She ends up sending me a picture. It is printed on white printer paper and is unusable. All that for nothing. 
• On Kadyn's birthday his great grandmother calls (coincidentally right after my mother calls and I do not answer.) Not wanting to walk into a mine field, I do not answer. Instead I have Kadyn call his great grandmother before he goes to bed. She puts my mother on the phone to talk to Kadyn behind my back. And then plays all innocent when I call her on it.
• Out of nowhere a family member I have met twice for maybe a total of 3 hours sends me a Facebook message telling me how ungrateful I am, that I only have one mother who doesn't have a mean bone in her body and that what goes around comes around. At least I think that's what she said. Her spelling and grammar was that of a 6 year old.
• I have another conversation with my grandmother. It comes out that my mother has been telling people that we asked her for money, she said no and now we will not speak to her anymore.
• And I am DONE.

The final straw was my mother taking advantage of a 91 year old woman with dementia and turning her against us.

From her last email to me in October "But whatever happens, don't bring grandma into this as I have not said a word about this argument to her.  I would like to think that she will get to see her great grandchildren when you and Ryan have the time to go to see her."


Not gonna fucking happen now. Every time I talk to my grandmother she flips out on me about my mother. And it's not for one second because of anything *I* have said to her.


There is obviously more to this story. A lot more. But I doubt I could write it all out if I tried.


I guess the only point of this is to tell my side of things. I have kept completely quiet about all of this. I do not need (or desire) to rally my Facebook friends against her or involve family who have no business in the middle of this. I am not interested in a never-ending fight with her. I don't even care to 'win' this utterly stupid game that is supposedly reality.


I just want it all to stop. Permanently.


And I want to say this:


You disgust me. Your behaviour is entirely abhorrent and you should be ashamed of yourself. You have alienated the only family you have and for what? Whatever the reason, I hope you are satisfied. I have NOTHING more to say to you. And I have absolutely NO desire to have any kind of relationship with this hateful and deceitful person you have become. I don't wish bad things upon you. I don't wish anything for you really. I just want you to leave us alone. It's what you asked for and I have done my part. I wish you would do yours.