Thursday, December 1

Dear Graysen

( I started a letter right before Graysen's birthday but I don't feel right finishing it after so much time has passed. So I am rewriting. And writing as I would have 2 months ago.)

For some reason I thought if I just ignored your first birthday, it wouldn't happen.

I was wrong.

You're turning one. And I'm pretty sure there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I remember our first night together at the hospital. I didn't sleep at all. I couldn't let you sleep in that hard plastic tub the nurses had you in and I was too terrified of you falling out of my bed to let myself doze off. I've never been happier to give up a night of sleep.

I remember so much from your first year. But I've forgotten so much as well. I hate that. I wish I could remember every moment. I wish I could just soak up every ounce of you.

I'm very happy to say I still feel a special something between us. I don't know what it is or what it means. but I feel it. I hope it never goes away.

Being second (in birth order) to your brother makes you a little difficult to figure out. Only because Kadyn is very what you see is what you get - loud, obnoxious, crazy, smart, funny, awesome! You are very different. (And very alike at the same time). You are what you see - sweet and silly and mischevious - but you are so much more, too.

I really love that about you.

Graysen, you are simply the sweetest boy I have ever met.

I am so excited to watch you grow and learn and be. Watching you and your brother together leaves me breathless sometimes. I don't have siblings and so seeing the connection you and Kadyn have - for no other reason than because you are brothers - is, well, breathtaking. I can't describe it any other way. I am so hopeful for yours and Kadyn's relationship. I truly hope for an unbreakable and impenatrable foundation dotted with wrestling matches and tobogan hills off the garage roof. (There isn't a doubt in my mind your father's brain will fall out, he will tell you that story and you will recreate it. Just let me know beforehand so I can call 911 in advance. For your father...)

I love you, Graysen. And I always will. I am so very blessed to have you. Thank you for everything you have taught me and for everything you will teach me. I hope that I am a good enough mother to love and nurture you into the amazing man that I know you can be.

Love Always

Mama

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